Monday, March 2, 2009


Until recently it seemed like everybody had too much to do everyday. This was our reward for having computers and cell phones and blackberries, etc. As an example, you recently dedicated two books to Conrad and Enzo* Scrivener, the sons of your friends Richard and A.J.

The first book you dedicated to them was Too Afraid to Scream, the third book in the Nighttime series. Then you promptly forgot you’d done that and dedicated Is That an Unlucky Leprechaun in Your Lunch to them.

The first dedication reads: “To Conrad and Enzo Scrivener” (Boring!!!!). The second dedication reads as follows: “Now that baseball has officially passed cricket, soccer, darts, rugby, and the Caber Toss** to become the most popular sport in all of Great Britain, this book is dedicated to two of Her Majesty’s most promising future homerun hitters, Conrad and Enzo Scrivener.”

Even though hardly anyone plays baseball in Great Britain, a few years ago, when you visited Richard and AJ in London, you brought Conrad and Enzo baseball mitts and balls. Your reasoning was that since no one in their country actually plays baseball, this would make Conrad and Enzo two of the coolest kids in all of Great Britain (actually, it would merely reconfirm their position as two of the coolest kids in all of Great Britain).

Once Conrad and Enzo master the art of baseball, they will be in the company of such other well-known historical European baseball players as Aristotle, the Greek philosopher and pitcher who threw a no-hitter for the Athens Angels in the seventh game of the 367 BC World Series against the Sparta Nosox, and Euripides, the Greek playwright, left fielder, and switch hitter on the Athens Angels.***

*Enzo got his name when Richard, at work, received a panicked phone call from the very pregnant A.J., who announced that she felt like she was going to give birth at any moment. Richard hopped into his Alfa Romero and raced home. Meanwhile, the emergency back-up friends and relatives who’d said they’d help get A.J. to the hospital could not be found, and Richard got mired in traffic. By the time he finally got home, AJ REALLY felt like she was going to give birth, which she eventually did, in the back seat of the Alfa Romero, in the hospital parking lot. The Alfa being an Italian car, they decided to name their son after the noted Italian car designer and speed demon, Enzo Ferrari.

**Seeing who can throw a telephone pole the farthest. No joke. This is a real sport over there. Those Brits really are a crazy bunch!

***He is not related to Euripides Pants and his brother Eusewidies Pants, who were both tailors.

Mr Bill says, “It’s a good thing he wasn’t born in a Yugo.”

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